I don't like asking people out at their workplace, it's her job to be there, I don't want to make it awkward. He told me that he had a girlfriend but they were on the rocks currently. There is some amazing advice here, from so many perspectives. Privacy Policy. About a decade ago, I worked in a store that had mostly male customers. By entering this site you declare This doesn't require breaking any of these rules, but it requires finesse. Im in the minority too. Anyway, Ive taken to wearing a gold band on my ring finger to discourage that behavior, but men dont seem to notice. This might be a Western European city, or an 'East' German village, who knows. (Im female, btw, and the employee in question is male. (This doesnt include asking for your number when filling out a form for the job.). (Well, I guess it was scandalous when marriages were arranged so okay, normal since women got agency.). Thanks for your perspective on this Bri because this is something that I was really wondering about. But my biggest problem is I'm pretty shy with people I don't know and I'm really worried about being "that guy". Even these women who we'd call "easy going" only go for what they feel is biologically safe / sound. They are paid to be nice and helpful and to show up where youre shopping if they think you might need help. Could, please, the downvoters explain why they do so ? I got asked for my phone number all of the time. Casual, heres my number, and then leave it. Oy vey! One thing you could do, since you go often to that store, is: start building a basic "relationship" with the cashier. RT @ChristineBrejc1: Witnessing Joel and I were checking out at CVS, and our cashier happened to be a nonbinary young female wearing a giant Baphomet Charm on her Another way might be something along the lines of: Its always nice to chat with you [name.] We never talked beside "hello". Theres no reason to be too embarrassed to ever return upon rejection unless youre either serenading the guy in a public show, or if you be otherwise dramatic or persistent about it. We ended up going separate ways in life, but he was a total gentleman and excellent +1 while it did last, and I still hold him in high regard years later. Also OP, I wonder if you have looked for him on online dating sites? Ugh. Thanks, Ive definitely had guys mistake friendliness for flirting so I know what you mean. But what is your advice? Something short and simple and easy for both of you. I used to work retail and used to get both hit on and asked out a lot. Agreed. Its really helping me to figure out what to do (and Ive been debating this with myself for awhile now) and Im really grateful that so many people chose to respond. I got the message. I had to go back to the store later that week to pick something up. I hated being asked out when I worked retail because it was awkward and there was never anywhere I could escape to after I said no. She has an easy escape: "Back to work, bye". At some point we realized that we needed to meet outside the store to really talk, which we then did. There are a million variables here. It is often used as an expression of joy which can be used to ask someone out in a fun way! I also had freedom to roam, which, of course, a barista doesnt have. Most notably, the fireman passed his number through those people to give to her, and left it up to her to contact him if she was interested. This seems like a bit of an overreaction to someone stating their opinion in a non-rude or abrasive manner. Let them know why they caught your eye and why spending time together would be fun. In this case, the crush could have ignored it. I dont really care how kind you are or subtle about itits still off-putting. Ive always thought of it more as, Hey, youre someone that seems to be intereseting, and Id like to get to know you better. (Actually, kind of like a job interview in a lot of ways, haha. For more information, please see our You never know! Act normal. This is while there were a line of people waiting for my attention. its funny (not funny ha ha). Having been on the receiving end, I can tell you I've always found it awkward and uncomfortable when someone has asked me out as opposed to leaving a note for me to choose to respond or not respond privately. We flirted for (probably 5) months and I finally asked him out one day. Clearly your girlfriend didnt know you were doing it. WebAnswer (1 of 16): No. Its awesome. Point is, right now they don't, and men "doing our usual" isn't going to move the needle. Hahaha. He texted her later that night and now theyve been dating for like three months! was a customer that I wanted to hit on me! But I can admit to having a thing for ONE of my customers, so I cant say it never happened. Ooh, get a few people to go to a bar in the mall, and ask him to join you all after the shift. Some points of potential special cases. Keep your body language open so that they feel more at ease. It only takes a minute to sign up. She flushed, returned the change, and caressed my hand in return. I wanted to ask her out or leave a note but last couple times I get super nervous when I'm about to do it. should I wear my wedding ring to an interview, client demands unlimited time, and more. And movies are basically sitting in the dark next to someone for 90 minutes in an environment that does not favor socializing. Some people can make it work, sometimes. You typically only hear those kind of stories with hookers and johns (because youre not going to the cops to report a pimp robbing you) but I assume it happens to regular people too. Yes, it was a common interest, but I also had a certain number of reservations and sales I needed to make. She called, and shortly after she was on my couch. Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been. Oh wait, I did actually end up in a four year relationship that had been a customer and he ended up being a creep with major control issues, but that could have happened no matter where we had met. It also means that you have to go out of your way to make them comfortable if they do say no (no signs of resentment or bitterness or other weirdness), because after all youdid take therisk of asking someone out in their place of work. Since the OP is the customer, if read it correctly, the OP should ask the question. I see what youre getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks theyre doing the former. Is he single? The waitress said he was single and that hed love to get a number so we left her number with her credit car receipt. To help us answer, can you edit to give some more detail on the "signs she gave you" which seem promising? He may truly be interested but the power imbalance there makes it sort of uncomfortable. Awkwardness is the enemy of whimsy. He was also very cool when I turned him down and he kept coming into the store, albeit maybe a little less frequently, and chit-chatted like nothing had happened (except for my red face because my face is my own worst enemy). Thats sad. I wouldnt necessarily invite someone Id met in this compartmentalized way to my home. Dont drop compliments and hit on her, asking how her day is doing is all you should do. You know, the douche who asks every cute girl out and thinks he's hot shit. The OP posts an innocuous I see you every day at the 7-11 and I think youre cute but the employee thinks she posted the one that lists off 200 acts the Kama Sutra never dreamed of. Write your number on a piece of paper, have it ready when you go to the store. Just because you would find it flattering doesnt mean the service worker feels the same. I don't think it'll make her uncomfortable, but there's a finer way still. In my case, it was simple. She could say yes, no, or not respond to the question. But this isnt two people meeting in public. Its public for the customer but a workplace for the employee. Poor, oblivious Husband. In a bar, she could just turn around and leave, but not here. I need her back. But I did once have someone hit on me, and to me the difference is generally pretty clear. I believe we're all mature enough to understand the fact that people react differently to you based on how they feel about you. Example: Did you hear, So-and-so is going to be performing at the (venue) on Thursday? Not discussions on the state of dating or generalized situations. How To Ask Out The Cashier? | Relationship Talk Show confidence. This looks for me like a long comment and not like an answer. I understand the situation, and if you really want to know her and you think the signs look good, then I suggest go for it. I think it can be ok if you do it very carefully. He may be a manager. He will also talk to you. And I am interested in this person is not exactly placing the Objective Viewpoint Ray on high beams in illuminating whether the nice person at the store is, in fact, genuinely interested. Well whats some do's and dont's. Many people really dont know how to interact with someone of the opposite sex in a way thats not flirtatious and/or interpret any positive interaction with the opposite sex as flirtation (Im a lot better about this now than I was in my teens and twenties, but I still catch myself thinking/acting like this sometimes). We laughed and decided best to keep things at friendly store chats. She's not interested. By engaging the person in a discussion, you can explore their biases and try to clear up any possible misunderstandings. Since the store is just 5 min away from my place I visit regularly and don't want to leave a bad impression there. The key difference was that he had been coming into my bookstore for at least 6 months and chit-chatting with me about stuff, usually books but other things as well, before asking me out. I know you will, though, I believe questions related to love on this site are mostly looking for that one answer of "do what your heart tells you", but seriously - your best bet, really is to establish rapport in another way. O_o Yeah, no. would be totally normal and appropriate. When I was a cashier, someone gave me their phone number. Only guy Ive ever asked out! Communicating that it's no big deal if she says no shows confidence, and also shows that you haven't been writing romantic poetry thinking about her for the last six months while you have no idea who she is (creepy-creepy) rather you're just interested in getting to know her and have a drink. Flirt more. So no matter how nice you think you are, you could reasonably make a flirtee feel uncomfortable and trapped into responding to you. And I love cheese but dont have any from Spain. In a different life I might have chatted with her more than I did. A "yes" response would be very cool and and allow you to follow it up with a proposition like, "sometime this week at x coffee shop, is there a good time?". It was somewhat flattering with compliments but also uncomfortable if they couldnt accept my response. I really dont understand the snark here, much less the do as I please nobody was threatening you with a restraining order. Its normal. Also, regardless of the merits of OP asking/not asking, can we PLEASE roundfile the whole but how else is the species supposed to continue fallacy, which, bluntly, gets trotted out in defense of everything from workplace harassment to stalking. For instance - southern Europe here - to me it's perfectly acceptable to engage in small talk with the cashier. And the corn guy had his own business. So I met this girl about two weeks ago. My female friend just started dating a waiter we met while out to eat. Don't. Being friendly is literally part of their job description. There's no way to know whether the "signs" you are picking up on are actually sig Frankly, lots of social interactions make me feel a little weird or uncomfortable, but theyre totally normal and acceptable interactions nonetheless, and I dont think my discomfort always reflects negatively on the people doing the initiating. Staying polite and positive even if you get rejected will make her more comfortable rather than being sad or disappointed when interacting with her in the future. Well, the tricky thing about asking out someone in a customer service position is that their job requires them to be nice to you. This powerful weapon can be obtained through several means, and, To read the offense in Madden 21, look for the playmaker markers, pre-snap reads, and read/react opportunities. I thought that died out years ago. She went to Spain on vacation, bought a bunch of cheese, and casually mentioned it to him one day, saying, It might be fun for you to come over and try some of it with me.. I was able to give my friend additional details and she said that the employee sounds nervous and that I should just give him a note, and that in fact, a customer of her own has been leaving notes for awhile and they are now dating. bulding up your anxiety is all.. .. have you asked anyone there casually where that one girl is, and what's her name?? My friend once slipped her number to a butcher at a supermarket and they ended up married. AH this reminds me of when I went out to brunch with a friend and she picked the restaurant and as we were walking up to the door she turned to me and said, Well, I cant promise I wont ask out our waiter before the end of the meal! It turns out she was a regular at this place and had a huge thing for a waiter. isn't found by making her uncomfortable. At a bar, after church, at an event where you share a mutual interest, go for it! I dont regret it though. Ive seen this debated in a number of places around the net over the years. And the employee has to assume you might be one of those jerks in choosing how to respond to you if she doesnt want to lose her tip or get a complaint. Its be a nice pick me up for the day. I've seen her fairly often just a matter of time. If the OP says smalltalk isn't a thing, I believe him, and it's another sign that flirting won't go over well. Book club. You need to determine if hes being friendly because its his job, because hes naturally flirty, or because hes actually interested in you. Just be subtle about it and see where it goes. Last sentence should read: Id be flattered, even if I was NOT interested. Granted, yes I loved talking about video games. (Helpful hint: if hell only text and wont talk on the phone, that is often a sign that he has an SO of some kind). Now, Im 100% sure this guy would have been an awesome date, and there was nothing threatening or creepy about his approach in fact, if I had any glimmer of interest in men in general, I probably would have taken him up on it. I'll be wearing (something noticeable, such as a red hat, which hopefully you are sporting the day you visit the store). When asking a cashier out, it is important to be respectful and considerate of their feelings. I do not understand why being asked on a date (or simply learning that someone is attracted to you) is apparently now widely considered a traumatizing experience to be protected against at all times. Like youre causing major pain to someone by giving them your #. For example maybe she likes art and you can suggest to her going to an art gallery together. There are probably a lot of gender dynamics at play too (Im a female, I asked out a male) if the roles were reversed it may feel more awkward. Right, this proscription would mean nobody in college would ever go to a party. Im not saying you should absolutely never do it, but if you do, make sure its very clear that no is a completely acceptable answer and that the persons manager and coworkers will never know about it if the person declines. I think the only thing saving me from flirting being a daily occurrence where I was assigned was that our typical customers were older, often married, women. I dont understand why asking someone out has to be interpreted as some sort of sexual/relationship-driven ritual. Its great to know that youd be flattered (even if not interested)! in advance, prepare a little note and state to her what you have stated to us. with a side of awkward (sorry, I play for team rainbow, but good luck to you). (Still gay, now not so closeted :D) So while I was able to stumble out a decline that didnt out me and sounded fairly legitimate, the truth was Id been rather blindsided, and I spent the rest of the day scared that one of my coworkers would have overheard and I was going to get grilled about why I didnt agree to the date later on. Thank you for the follow-up. Mutual friend. Because of that, it can be easy to mistakenly misinterpret them doing their job (being nice to you) as social/romantic interest. You could try to get friendly with one of his coworkers to find out if hes single, and possibly also when his break is or when he gets off work. You really have to go with your gut, I think. Q: How should I approach the cashier? He has enjoyed a long career at the top of his field, appearing in acclaimed films, shows and advertisements. I dont want to put her into an awkward position and Im stuck between a note approach (too pussy for a man) and directly asking her out (confidence). Thanks, I agree that being cool about it and reiterating that a refusal is fine is the way to go! ), This comment made me chuckle a little because I know that my husband (were he available) would never, ever pick up on this type of hint. Your best hope here is to have a random encounter with her in a more social setting like a bar, where it is a lot more socially acceptable to offer someone a drink/phone number if they indicate an interest in you. - This subreddit is **gender neutral**. It was my first job ever, I worked part time for a store that primarily sold video games and video game accessories. Need help with your relationship? Of course. But I was going to come and suggest something like, Are you going to the ZYX event? Shes always at the checkout and never doing stuff like sorting products or cleaning the floor where I could actually ask her out.
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